So I dropped my marketing class tonight. And I’m going to completely reassess what I want to do. One week of marketing and it just isn’t for me. It doesn’t interest me whatsoever. I’d just be doing the work for nothing in the end. I feel awful though. I feel like a failure, like I can’t do it. Three hours before I would have been charged a fee, I scrambled trying to call graduate advising to drop me from the class. I’m so glad I emailed the head of graduate advising who was luckily able to get back to me within a few minutes on Sunday night at 8:30… she saved me. So I’m definitely out of the class. But now I feel even worse. I looked over my contract for the graduate assistant position at school to make sure I’d still be able to hold that position even though I’d only be taking one course. I couldn’t find a single thing saying anything specific. There was a mention that the scholarship was equivalent to two courses per semester. But it didn’t say anything about having to be enrolled as a full-time student. It just said that I had to be a graduate student. That’s part-time, right? If it turns out that I did go against my contract, I’ll have to forfeit my scholarship, costing me $1800 for the class I’m in. At that point, I have no point even being in grad school at this school, so I’d just drop my class and drop out of the program. And if that happened, I’ll feel like I let everyone down. I let down my boss, Lori. I let down my math coordinator, Kathy. I let down all of my teachers who love that I’m back helping with math. I let down all of the new friends that I made this year. If it ends up happening, I won’t be at the school anymore, and how would I be able to see them nearly as much if I don’t go there anymore. I feel awful. I feel pathetic. Like I can’t go through with anything. I hope I’m just overreacting and none of this will be a problem, but that still leaves me with two months to make a decision as to what program I want to try and go into hoping that I’ll have some sort of interest in it at all.
I wish there was more time during the day, or I got tired earlier at night. I wish I could be one of those people who wake up at like 4 or 5 and go for a run before their shower, and work. I could try to set my alarm for 4, but we all know I’m just going to snooze for two hours after that.
So I’m bored and staring at my bookshelf with all my TV series on it, so I’m gonna go ahead and list all my TV series that I’ve collected:
Smallville | Seasons 1-10 The Vampire Diaries | Seasons 1-2 Fringe | Seasons 1-3 Heroes | Seasons 1-4 Supernatural | Seasons 1-6 Ghost Hunters | Seasons 1-6 Ghost Hunters International | Seasons 1-2 Ancient Aliens | Seasons 1-3 Falling Skies | Season 1 The River | Season 1 The Office | Seasons 1-7 + Digital Short Collection Community | Seasons 1-2 Parks and Recreation | Seasons 1-3 Arrested Development | Seasons 1-3 Modern Family | Seasons 1-2 Friends | Seasons 1-10 Family Guy | Volume 1, 5 & 7 Whose Line is it Anyway? | Season 1 Everybody Loves Raymond | Season 1, 4 The League | Seasons 1-2 Happy Endings | Season 1 24 | Seasons 1-8 + Redemption House | Seasons 1-7 Prison Break | Seasons 1-4 + The Final Break Lost | Seasons 1-6 Bones | Season 1 Lie To Me | Seasons 1-3
Seasons that have been released that I don’t have yet, but plan to get:
House | Season 8 Ghost Hunters | Season 7 Part 1 Destination Truth | Season 1 Once Upon A Time | Season 1 Community | Season 3 Franklin & Bash | Season 1
Seasons that are going to be released very soon that I plan on getting at some point:
Alcatraz | Season 1 The League | Season 3 Supernatural | Season 7 Fringe | Season 4 Person of Interest | Season 1 The Vampire Diaries | Season 3 Parks and Recreation | Season 4 The Office | Season 8 Happy Endings | Season 2 Modern Family | Season 3
Just to point out further as to how much tv I watch… here’s some more shows I watch, and will get on DVD at some point:
Anger Management Awake Fact or Faked Haunted Highway Men at Work Paranormal Witness School Spirits The Fabric of the Cosmos NOVA Touch Trust Us with Your Life Up All Night Wilfred
Starting to regret doing the grad program. I feel like I’m just putting myself two years behind everyone I graduated with. So when I finally graduate, not only will I be competing with my graduates, but the juniors and seniors that are in school right now. I have some friends already getting good jobs. Some have their career job, and here I am. I lost my only design job. I’m still in school going for Marketing - not design. I’m only doing it because I liked tutoring math. I’m excited to sit in on four math classes, two of which I haven’t taken. Plus I get to tutor quite a bit. I’m a hundred times more excited for that than grad school. I’m dreading it. I’m done with school. And now I have two years left. And I have no leads on a design job. And Im putting myself two years behind everyone else.
This morning was only my second time out, but I love it already. The only downside is that my hands and neck hurt after. Don’t know if that’s normal or what… but either way it’s so nice. I’ve already done a 7.25 and a 6.4 mile ride. It’s so peaceful. If I didn’t have to work later, I would’ve just kept riding.
If I had to choose one person to talk to, it’d be you. One person to watch a movie with, it’d be you. One person to go on a drive with, it’d be you. One person to get lost with, it’d be you. A walk on the beach, you. Look up at the stars, you. It’s always you. Always.
So what was supposed to be a two month internship way back in January has finally come to an end. I guess I can’t be too upset. Obviously I did something right if they kept me for 8 full months. And I’ll still be doing freelance for them, I just won’t be going in every week Monday-Wednesday. I know they’re trying to get some digital publications going, and I know they’ll need to update their site and take more portfolio shots to add to their site… and I have basically been doing all of that, so I should get called back for that stuff. I just don’t know if it’ll be an every week type of thing or what. The biggest bummer is just the fact that I won’t be able to work my regular hours with them these last two weeks of August. I had planned on stopping at the end of August and then continue on through the winter just doing Fridays. I let them know that though, and they seem to be up for freelance work during that time, so I guess that’s still good. Just a little upset that I won’t be at my favorite job - it really isn’t even a job. I love what I do there. I feel lucky to be getting paid for something that I would do for free just because I enjoy doing it. Depressed.