Josh.Edgerly

Freaking out about my future. Might not get a masters degree in which case this whole past year was a complete waste. Regretting a whole lot right now

I like how family gatherings used to be. Way too much has changed. Not the same anymore

I want to move to Portsmouth

I don’t want to be here more and more everyday I have to work. Considering LOA

So I dropped my marketing class tonight. And I’m going to completely reassess what I want to do. One week of marketing and it just isn’t for me. It doesn’t interest me whatsoever. I’d just be doing the work for nothing in the end. I feel awful though. I feel like a failure, like I can’t do it. Three hours before I would have been charged a fee, I scrambled trying to call graduate advising to drop me from the class. I’m so glad I emailed the head of graduate advising who was luckily able to get back to me within a few minutes on Sunday night at 8:30… she saved me. So I’m definitely out of the class. But now I feel even worse. I looked over my contract for the graduate assistant position at school to make sure I’d still be able to hold that position even though I’d only be taking one course. I couldn’t find a single thing saying anything specific. There was a mention that the scholarship was equivalent to two courses per semester. But it didn’t say anything about having to be enrolled as a full-time student. It just said that I had to be a graduate student. That’s part-time, right? If it turns out that I did go against my contract, I’ll have to forfeit my scholarship, costing me $1800 for the class I’m in. At that point, I have no point even being in grad school at this school, so I’d just drop my class and drop out of the program. And if that happened, I’ll feel like I let everyone down. I let down my boss, Lori. I let down my math coordinator, Kathy. I let down all of my teachers who love that I’m back helping with math. I let down all of the new friends that I made this year. If it ends up happening, I won’t be at the school anymore, and how would I be able to see them nearly as much if I don’t go there anymore. I feel awful. I feel pathetic. Like I can’t go through with anything. I hope I’m just overreacting and none of this will be a problem, but that still leaves me with two months to make a decision as to what program I want to try and go into hoping that I’ll have some sort of interest in it at all. 

I’ve made more friends in the past two weeks at school than I have my entire 4 years as an undergrad. Pathetic? It’s great though

I wish there was more time during the day, or I got tired earlier at night. I wish I could be one of those people who wake up at like 4 or 5 and go for a run before their shower, and work. I could try to set my alarm for 4, but we all know I’m just going to snooze for two hours after that.

“Taking a shower, getting ready for the day, then ouuuuttttt”